Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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