Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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