Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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