i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We named our party play list daddy issues
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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