I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
