You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
