If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
