i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
