Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
