Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
