My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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