he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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