There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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