hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
