Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
