I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
