you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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