At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
