just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
