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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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