He kissed a someone with a penis
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
