Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
