the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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