I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
