I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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