I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
