if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
