I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
