Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
