The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize