the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
