listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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