you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
