she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
