I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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