Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
