You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
