Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
