He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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