I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
