ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize