I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
