make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
