Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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