Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
