Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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