farters have to be the big spoon...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
