Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
