he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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