I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
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Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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