do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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