Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think we might need a safe word for this...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize