She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
