He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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