there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
