my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
