I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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