We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
