I want to walk on stilts...naked
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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