dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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