He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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