Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
