Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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