my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
