Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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