"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
