you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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