I could have mohawked her pubes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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