dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
