It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
nutella sex= disaster
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
