Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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