She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
