I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
